Sparkly Vampires
by FelinesAndPhoenixes
Summary: Thomas is bored and decides to go to a Twilight convention. Harry is going to kill him.... Rated for language.


**Title: **Sparkly Vampires?

**Summary: **Thomas is bored and decides to go to a Twilight convention. (Perish the thought. If Twilight conventions actually existed, I would cry. No offense to any Twilight fans out there.) Harry is confused. Very very confused.

**Author's Note: **A challenge from KatHawkins (of fame, obviously). She wanted Thomas to impersonate a sparkly vampire and go to a Twilight convention.

This obviously takes place before Thomas leaves society as a whole…

_On with the fic…._

Thomas Raith smirked at the items laying on the table. Red contacts, tubes of body glitter….he giggled wildly. He was going to _wow _them. He'd first learned of Twilight from one of his clients. It had come up in conversation, and she'd told him of the plot. Curious, he'd read all four of the books. Completely laughable, he'd thought. Completely laughable, but…something to work with, certainly. The fanbase was huge and….well, it would be a good bit of fun to impersonate one of the sparkly bastards and see what the girls thought of it.

Disappearing into Harry's bathroom (and oh, how his brother would kill him when he found out that he'd gotten body glitter all over the bathroom) he quickly dressed and put in the contacts. The body glitter was going to be interesting. However, he managed to get the look just right. He'd even gone so far as to style his hair…. If you asked _him_, he thought he was doing a pretty good imitation of the sparkly vampire….Edward something. He giggled again. If only these people had any idea what a real vampire was like…they wouldn't seem even mildly appealing.

Throwing on his leather jacket, he practically skipped out of the house, still laughing obnoxiously. Oh yes. This was going to be _great_.

Harry Dresden let himself into his apartment with a tired sigh. The work never got any easier, really. It was something new every day. And it was always ridiculous. He frowned as he stepped into the apartment. Something seemed amiss, though he couldn't quite put his finger on it. He walked into the kitchen and frowned in confusion. There was a crumpled drug store bag on the table. He sighed. Stars and stones, this just reeked of Thomas. What the hell was the idiot up to now?

He walked into the bathroom and cursed loudly as he saw the empty tubes of glitter, the contact box. There was glitter all over the sink and hand towel. "What in the _hell_ is he trying to accomplish?" he asked himself.

He paced into the kitchen to get a drink and found the note on the refrigerator. _Harry- Went to a convention for this series called Twilight. Something about sparkly vampires. Seemed fun. Be back later. –Thomas_ "What?" Harry asked as he crumpled the note and tossed it into the trash. "Mister, what does he think he's trying to accomplish?" he asked the cat as he poured food into his bowl and refilled his water. "I'm going to have to go down there and get him before he gets himself killed by those…fangirls. Whatever they call them." Unfortunately, Harry _had_ heard of Twilight before.

It wasn't hard to find the convention, and it certainly wasn't hard to find his brother once he got inside. He had had an issue with the person at the door. He'd said that he would rather die than pay $40 of his hard-earned and very rare money to get into a convention where he was just trying to find his idiot older brother. Finally the woman had told him that he could have ten minutes, but if he stayed any longer than that, she would personally be hunting him down and extracting the money herself.

"Creepy," Harry muttered to himself as he got away from the woman, who was wearing an obnoxiously loud shirt proclaiming that she was part of 'Team Jacob'….whatever the hell that meant. It was fairly easy to find Thomas once he was inside. His brother was in practically the center of the room, grinning obnoxiously as he gave some sort of ridiculous oratory address to a mob of fans.

He elbowed his way through the group, getting glared at and smacked as he went. "What the hell do you think you're doing? I was here first, I swear to god…!" a girl shrieked as he slipped past her.

"_Sorry_," he said, giving her a look like he thought she was the most ridiculous person he'd ever met. He made his way to the front of the group and practically died when he saw his brother. His hair was gelled into some ludicrous style and looked as though it hadn't been washed in weeks. He was ungodly pale and…sparkling? He was wearing black pants, a white shirt and a black leather jacket that looked like it had come straight from Harry's closet. "Stars and _stones_, Thomas!" he gasped. "What the hell are you _doing_?"

His brother gaped at him. "H-harry!" he spluttered. "I didn't expect to see you here!" He laughed nervously. "Um…"

"You're an idiot," Harry said. "And the scary woman at the door only gave me ten minutes to find you, and you're _stupid_ and we're leaving _now_." He was completely baffled by the horde of women (and men?) that seemed to be throwing themselves at his brother. He reached forward and grabbed his (weakly) protesting brother by the sleeve of his (_Harry's damn it_!) jacket and dragged him back through the crowd.

He was stopped a moment later by a short girl with obnoxiously red hair moving to stand in front of him with her hands on her hips. "Can I _help_ you?" he asked, mildly irritated that he'd had to come and fetch Thomas and terrified that he was going to miss his ten minute deadline and have to _pay_ for the privilege.

"Yes!" the girl said. "You can get your hands off of Edward!"

"Edward?" Harry asked in confusion. "Erm….I don't know what you're talking about. This is Thomas…."

"Back off bitch," she growled at him. "He's _mine_."

"What?" Harry asked in confusion as the girl flung herself at him, flailing and slapping at him. "Stars and _stones_, Thomas," he growled, attempting to extract himself from crazy girl. "I'm going to _kill_ you later."

Thomas snorted derisively as he reached out and grabbed the girl by the back of her jacket, pulling her away from his brother. "I think I'll pass, thanks," he told them both sternly. He linked his arm with his brother's and calmly strolled from the convention, despite the protest of the fans clustered around them.

"I _told _you it would only take me a minute," Harry told the woman at the door as the two of them left.

"You had _nine seconds_," she informed him coolly. "Pity. I was looking forward to coming to find you."

"Of course you were," Harry muttered as he and Thomas walked away. As they climbed into the car, he turned to Thomas with a stern expression. "Thomas. What the hell is _wrong _with these people?"

Thomas laughed obnoxiously. "Nothing," he said. "They're just fans. I thought it would be fun. I didn't know they were going to be….crazy."

"Who the hell is Edward?" Harry asked. "And why are you impersonating him?"

"He's the main character," Thomas explained. "He's a vampire. He sparkles. And he's an abusive boyfriend. Isn't that a wonderful example being set for the children? Anyway. Let's go home. I'll change and buy you dinner for your trouble."

"I'm still going to kill you," Harry said.

"We'll go to Mac's," Thomas wheedled.

"Alright, I might reconsider killing you," Harry said. "If you throw in a couple beers."

"Deal," Thomas said, grinning. "Hey, you have to admit that it was hilarious though. The look on that girl's face…." He giggled madly. In his best high-pitched girl voice, he mocked, "_back off, bitch! He's mine!_ Oh God….that was beautiful."

Harry rolled his eyes. Killing his brother was starting to look really good again.

**Author's Note: **This obviously can't be taken as a serious fic, but I still thought that it was ok.

Questions? Comments? Concerns? Review.


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